-writing
you ask me why i write.
well, when i started my life in San Francisco, totally alone after my long black
comedy came to a close, i had only my suitcase and a little money. i couldn't even
speak English very well. but, anyway, here i am.
my friends in Japan are still making jokes about me, and saying that it is a mystery
that i am still surviving in America.
you know, this is not my doing. i was just super lucky.
i appreciate my family and friends and the American social system for supporting
such weak people. that's why i believe it has to be my life work from now on to
share my unusual experiences with people who are still struggling with their lives.
even now, there are many people like me in this world, getting abused, stuck in a
small cage, not knowing where to run. through my book, i want to tell them not to
lose hope. as long as you keep going, there is a way.
that's why I am here.
-a logic of carbon
lately i have been feeling that we are only the sum total of the carbon that our
bodies are composed of. the problems that we have come to us as feelings or
emotions. these feelings do not have shape or form, so we should be able to make
them into whatever we want.
before we panic, we should be able to reshape these emotions, making them bigger
or smaller. it only depends on our strength and experience, which we can use to
control them.
-a theme
someday, i want to paint the eye of the rider: under the helmet, looking straight
out, facing the edge of death, challenging fear, courageously straining against
the suppressed passion gushing out from thick blood.
-lost half
long ago, human beings had two heads, four arms, four legs.
one day, the human race committed a great crime and god tore the human body
into two pieces. human destiny from that point on was to search the world for
the other half of the body, to make each person complete. men and women become
one body when they are together, testing to see if that other half is the right part.
this is the reason we cannot live alone.
I miss my other half.
-ganbatte
i believe that you will win.
the hardship you are facing now is only the life process of learning in order to reap
greater rewards.
in Japan, i had been running a studio. even though it was incredibly difficult, it was
the most brilliant time in my life.
now, coming to the States, my life has changed so much. i expect that my life will
become calm, as i start a family here. the problem is: where the hell are they now?
sometimes i miss the contented feeling i used to get when the sun rose through my
studio window after an all-night work session with my staff, racing against a deadline.
i was truly alive then.
-sweet face under selfish fear
of course, i am afraid of hurting other people. but it is not because i am a saint.
i just don't want to be hated, or become the type of person that hurts others.
-the nature of ducks
do you know the nature of baby ducks?
they believe that whomever they first lay eyes on when they emerge from their eggs
is their mother, and they follow forever after. that is how it was with him.
after emerging from my hardship, i looked up and there he was: the first boy to be
sweet to me after my hell here. and so i wasted so much time as his little duck.
-men and women
i still can't get used to the American style of putting men and women in the same box.
i mean, women want to attain the same social levels as men, and men expect women
to do the same work they do. it struck me when i arrived in America how tough the
white women were.
in Japan, our roles are more divided, and clear. men protect women in the outside
world; women protect men in the inside world. men take responsibility for work outside
to protect their families, and women protect the family in the house. of course, that is
kinda old-fashioned. even in Japan, young people are very westernized, and there are
very many strong women.
but still, i like that basic idea of separate roles for men and women, because obviously
our bodies and emotional systems are constructed differently. it must be god's idea that
these two types of creatures work together toward one goal.
-japanese talk
yes, the Japanese communication culture employs vagueness and there is some level
of cushioning in the language. this can be a source of confusion to Americans, a rather
direct group of people
i have a funny story:
when i was still going to college, my professor told us that when he was studying in
France, all the French students thought he was an idiot because he did not offer his
opinions clearly in their class. japanese people are not used to talking about personal
opinions in public, and besides that, he was a relatively quiet person.
one day, he was asked to read a report in front of the other students. everyone in the
class was surprised, and impressed with the depth of his thoughts.
after that, no one teased him anymore.
-HTML
well, the circuits of the artists' thinking resembles the relationship between the web
page and HTML.
when we express our thoughts and imagination in a graphic, they are so clear and
easily understood. but as soon as we try to explain those ideas in words, it will be
a mess of difficult words and symbols.
-solitude
sorry, but i sometimes get upset after talking with my friend in Japan. it makes me
hellishly homesick.
i feel as if i were losing myself, a little at a time. what the hell am i doing here?
everyone here speaks in a foreign tongue like aliens. where am i now?
i want to be strong.
i want to be strong to protect my precious someone.
i don't like this feeling as if i were nothing....
-dead or alive
last saturday, he took me to a gallery in Half Moon Bay on his motorcycle.
it was a kinda scary ride, going on the freeway, crazy speed, no visibility on a fogged-in
winding road, the wind striking our faces. only my hold on his body kept me from death.
in this milky world, the engine roaring inside my helmet, the feeling was ethereal. it was
as if we were sharing romantic ecstasy on the border of death.
after coming back from the freezing ride, we jumped into a hot shower, feeling
our bodies come back to life.
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